Why "me too" matters

What is stigma, really?

Stigma is a mark of shame placed on a person or a group. In mental health, researchers describe two kinds.

Public stigma is the reaction the general population has to people with mental illness. Self-stigma is the prejudice that people turn against themselves [CORRIGAN-WATSON-WP-2002]. Both are built from stereotypes (fixed ideas about a group), prejudice (agreeing with those ideas) and discrimination (acting on them) [CORRIGAN-WATSON-WP-2002].

Here is an everyday example. Picture a young woman in Pune who feels low for weeks. Her aunt says it is "just stress". A neighbour might talk. She hears "log kya kahenge" (what will people say) in her head, and she says nothing. Nobody told her she was weak. She told herself.

That second voice is self-stigma, and it works quietly. It is also not a sign that you are overreacting. You are reading your surroundings accurately.

The same silence shows up with loneliness. In a UK survey, 35 per cent of people said they would never admit to being lonely, and 25 per cent felt ashamed about it [MHF-LONELINESS-2022]. That survey was in the UK, but the pattern is familiar in many places. Our article on loneliness not being a character flaw goes deeper.

Why does stigma matter?

Because it keeps people from asking for help. A review of 144 studies with 90,189 participants found that stigma was the fourth highest barrier to seeking help [CLEMENT-PSYCHMED-2015]. Young people and men were among the groups put off most [CLEMENT-PSYCHMED-2015].

In India, attitudes are changing. A 2018 survey of 3,556 people in eight cities found that 60 per cent believed mental illness came mainly from a lack of willpower or self-discipline [TLLLF-PERCEPTION-2018]. By 2021, a follow-up survey of 3,497 people in nine cities found that 92 per cent said they would seek treatment and support someone who did, up from 54 per cent in 2018 [TLLLF-PERCEPTION-2021]. These are city surveys by a foundation, not national figures. Still, the direction is hopeful.

Why does hearing "me too" change something?

Because it tells you that you are not the only one. Shame grows in private. It shrinks when someone else says, "I have felt that too."

The research backs this up. The Lancet Commission on ending stigma and discrimination in mental health reviewed the evidence in 2022 [THORNICROFT-LANCET-2022]. A summary from King's College London says social contact between people with and without lived experience is the most effective way to reduce stigma and discrimination [KCL-LANCETSTIGMA-2022]. "Lived experience" means personal, first-hand experience of a mental health difficulty.

WHO's European office agrees. It says social contact tends to have greater impact in reducing prejudice, and that people with lived experience who are trained in this work are often called "experts by experience" [WHO-EURO-STIGMA-2024]. It adds that these experts should also lead anti-stigma work [WHO-EURO-STIGMA-2024].

Three things follow from this. Facts alone are not enough. WHO's European office says social contact tends to have greater impact in reducing prejudice [WHO-EURO-STIGMA-2024]. The person who shares is not a case study. And a "me too" does not have to be dramatic to matter.

Peer support works in a similar way. The Mental Health Foundation describes it as giving and receiving support, where everyone's experience counts equally and no one is more of an expert than anyone else [MHF-PEERSUPPORT-2022]. It also reports that research shows peer support can improve well-being [MHF-PEERSUPPORT-2022].

Research on news coverage suggests that stories of people coping with hard times can be protective [NIEDERKROTENTHALER-BJP-2010]. If you are struggling yourself, go to Help now.

How will Aeeroba handle shared experiences?

Shared experiences is one of four things we plan for the Aeeroba community. In our own words: "Real stories from people in the community, told in their own words." This space is not open yet.

When it opens, this is how we plan to work:

• Consent first. Nothing will be drafted without written consent. You will see the final version first.
• Anonymity by default. We will use a pseudonym, unless you ask us to use your first name.
• Review before publishing. A second reader will check every story for safe messaging.
• Time to reconsider. There will be a cooling-off period after approval, then a second confirmation.
• The right to withdraw. One email, and we will take it down within two working days. We cannot recall copies other people have made.
• A clear label. Every story will carry "One person's story, not advice" at the top.

Stories will also end with where the person found support. We will not ask someone in acute crisis to share.

How do I say "me too" safely?

You do not need to tell the whole story. A small, honest line is enough.

To a friend. Choose a calm moment, such as a walk or a phone call. "That sounds familiar. I felt like that last year" opens a door without pushing. Listen more than you talk. Do not turn it into your story.

At work. You decide what to share and with whom. A line like "I have had weeks like that" to a trusted colleague is enough. You do not owe anyone details, and you can stop at any point.

Online. Share feelings and what helped, not the method or detail of any self-harm. Skip anything that could make another person feel worse. If someone posts that they are in danger, point them to Help now rather than trying to handle it alone.

In your own home. If privacy is hard, a voice note or a message sent later can say what a conversation cannot. You can also start with one person, such as a cousin, a sibling or a friend.

Not everyone is ready to share, and that is fine. Listening to someone else's "me too" counts as connection too.

What helps, in practice?

• Notice when you are holding something back out of shame, and ask what you would say to a friend in the same place.
• Share one small true thing with one person you trust.
• When someone tells you something hard, say "thank you for telling me" before you say anything else.
• Avoid advice unless it is asked for. Being heard is often what people need first.

When is it time to talk to someone?

Sharing with a friend is valuable, and it is not the same as care from a trained professional. If a hard stretch has lasted two weeks or more and is getting in the way of daily life [NIMH-DO-I-NEED-HELP-2025], it is a good time to talk to a professional. Our article on when to talk to a professional explains the options in India. If you feel unsafe now, go to Help now.

One small step

Think of one person who might be carrying something quietly. This week, you could say "me too" about something small, such as a bad night's sleep or a tough week. Then notice what happens.